** Results

By day 10 I was able to sit and meditate for an hour with a smile on my face the entire time.  My legs recovered within about 5 minutes after meditating for an hour.  

I took a cold shower as usual on day 10.  But the experience was slightly different.  I automatically used the technique.  I had to focus and it was difficult, and I was not perfect in employing it, but throughout the shower, for the most part, I had a smile on my face and a calm mind.  My breathing was still out of control and I still moved a bit fast.  But there was little to none of the flexing of muscles and rapid rubbing that I employed on day 1.  Having a calm, focused mind makes a big difference, but I am no Vipassana master. 

While meditating, I had a lot of involuntary muscle action going on in my legs and my sides.  I learned to recognize those as my bodies reaction to sensation, and leave them alone.  I believe these reactions belong to a part of my nervous system I have not learned to control.  I did not try to control them, or to control my breathing.  My breathing changed occasionally.  I let my body do what it needed to do and I stayed calm.  

Day 10 of the course was pretty great.  

The vow of silence was lifted at, I believe, 7AM.  

The first thing I did is walk over to D and say, "ouch."

D said, "I tried to tell you."

"I do not recall that.", I said.

"I was just preparing myself, so I didn't want to focus on talking about it, but I said 'get ready for the pain.'  You probably didn't hear me."

We shared a few laughs.  We were so unused to talking that we were whispering.  Even when we added emphasis it was just a higher whisper.  We got over that by the time we were at the dining hall.

During meals we were able to speak with other students.  We stopped averting eyes, smiled, and recounted our experiences.  So many interesting people.

I spoke with quite a few very experienced meditators.  

I learned that my level of pain was uncommon, but not unheard of, and that some people have most definitely taken a long time to recover or have injured themselves, but not seriously.  There are also ways to reduce the pain that I was unaware of, and physical adaptation does eventually take place.  I'm glad I had to adapt mentally.

I stayed as long as I could on day 10, helping to clean up.  I got to meet more people and was fairly satisfied with my work, although I wish there were better ways of cleaning kitchen mats.

D and I returned home, happily telling and making up stories as we drove.  

I am in no way enlightened, I don't know Kung Fu, and I can't do any of the selfless feats a monk can do.  But I know, on a very real level, that I have improved.  I experienced it, I can describe it, and I feel it.

What I had done is to pass through what Goenka called "the kindergarden of Vipassana",  and I gained some very limited skill.  In a very controlled environment, silent, dark, eyes closed, for a limited time, I could observe myself and remain equanimous.  A skill I didn't have before.

I found that the technique requires practice to maintain.  A few weeks later I meditated for an hour with a friend.  My ability to observe subtle sensations during meditation, had diminished significantly.  On the plus side, my legs took a lot longer to fall asleep, and I had much, much less pain than I had experienced in the course.  I still had pain though, and I still used the technique. 

Even without practicing, I believe some lasting change was made.  Meditation technique aside, some use can be made of what I have learned.  In fact, I use what I have learned when working out, standing in line, pretty much anywhere.  

I have reached the stage at which I am aware of negativity and other sensations to a much greater extent.  Being more aware doesn't take up any time at all.  More importantly, I recognize that every negative feeling is a wonderful opportunity to reprogram my mind to react without misery - and I know it can be done - and a lot of the time I'm doing it.

As I am walking, or when anything unusual happens, or when I lose focus - I observe.  When daydreams or negative thoughts of myself or others come up - I observe.  I reflect.  I am vigilant.  Like watching over someone you love.  I care more about what my mind generates, and what my senses take in.  I care a lot more than I did before this course.  This, again, is a matter of degree.  I am a rank beginner.

When something bad happens, I still have to struggle.  For example.  After returning home, I called a few people.  At least one of them had something negative to say about me.  I felt my old methods of dealing with it kick in.  Calculations designed to refocus the conversation dominated my thoughts.  After the conversation concluded, I immediately put myself in a place to better handle the situation.   - Close your eyes, calm your mind.  Examine your thoughts.  Feel that crappy knot in your stomach.  "Hello there, little ones.  Thank you.  We will remove this sankara together.  I love you.  I wonder how long you will stay."  Then observe what was felt and thought.  Calmly.  - I found that physical reaction diminished, and insight came more readily than before. 

I say "insight" above with some trepidation.  More than one person I have attempted to describe this experience to has interrupted me asking, "Cut to the chase.  What insight did you gain?".  I have avoided the topic.  My personal insights about mundane or personal issues are not particularly valuable to other people.  The technique is valuable.  The ideas behind the technique are valuable.  Any insight you might have gained about yourself while reading this is valuable.  And if you choose to experience it, the experience is much more valuable than the intellectual analysis.  Still, you have read this far, so if you want to hear about the mundane insights I had, email me.

Thanks for reading.  You're awesome.  If you decide to learn Vipassana, I strongly recommend you do not do it alone.  If you have someone to observe you and answer your questions you will get a lot more out of it a lot faster.  There is a lot to be said for a controlled environment as well.  Also, more experienced people than I have told me that I should tell you that, and I trust em' on it.